Increasing Relationship Happiness - Couples Counselling Yaletown

Posted on Sat, Jul 21, 2012

New research out of Healthy Relationships California suggests that increases in marital satisfaction are very possible, even in couples on the verge of separation or divorce.   The group is running a significantly large study to determine the mid to long-term impact of psycho-educational counselling.

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Topics: Overwhelmed, Thriving, Connection, Couples Counselling

“Mom, I don’t know what to do - I’m bored.” - Counselling Yaletown

Posted on Thu, Jul 19, 2012

Kudos to Dr. Peggy Drexler for her terrific article Why Alone Time Is So Important for Boys And Girls submitted to the Huffington Post website, July 17, 2012.  (If you are interested in reading the full article, you can find it here -

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Topics: Being Present, Overwhelmed, Parenting

Values and Virtues - Counselling Vancouver

Posted on Wed, May 30, 2012

Stress, worry, rumination, feeling overwhelmed, lonely, helpless and hopeless are all hallmarks of the mood challenges of depression and anxiety. 

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Topics: Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Courage, Overwhelmed, Motivation, Thriving

Moms with Depression May Unnecessarily Wake Baby

Posted on Mon, Apr 23, 2012


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Topics: Anxiety, Postpartum Depression, Stress, Depression, Overwhelmed, Mindfulness

"Toughening Up" - Yaletown Counselling

Posted on Fri, Apr 20, 2012

Martin Seligman, sometimes described as the father of positive

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Topics: Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Courage, Mental Health, Overwhelmed, Mindfulness, Motivation, Thriving

The Importance of Attitude AND Actions - Vancouver Therapy

Posted on Mon, Apr 16, 2012

Depression requires action.

I just read a great post by Danny Penman, Ph.D. (@DrDannyPenman) that I wanted to share and comment on:


“Attitude Is More Important Than Your Actions - The spirit in which you do something is often as important as the act itself.

A traveller to a small Greek island once watched as a young boy tried to persuade the family donkey to move. The boy had vegetables to deliver and he’d carefully loaded up the animal’s panniers. But the donkey wasn’t in the mood for moving. The boy became more and more agitated and started to shout at the donkey, standing in front of him and pulling hard on the rope. The donkey dug in his hooves firmly. Very firmly.

This tug of war might have gone on a long time if it wasn’t for the boy’s grandfather. Hearing the commotion, he came out of the house and took in the familiar scene at a glance—the unequal battle between donkey and boy. Gently, he took the rope from his grandson. Smiling, he said, ‘When he’s in this mood, try it this way: take the rope loosely in your hand like this, then stand very close beside him, and look down the track in the direction you want to go. Then wait.’

The boy did as his grandfather had bade him, and after a few moments, the donkey started to walk forward. The boy giggled with delight, and the traveller watched as animal and boy trotted off happily, side by side, down the track and round the far bend.

How often in your life have you behaved like the small boy tugging on the donkey’s bridle? When things aren’t working out as you’d like them to, it’s tempting to try a little harder, to keep pushing and pulling in the direction you want to go. But is it always sensible to keep mindlessly pushing in one direction? Or should you follow the advice of the old man in the story and pause, before simply waiting for things to pan out as they will, spotting opportunities as they arise?

For most of us, this attitude is almost a cardinal sin because it suggests passivity—and yet, often as not, it might be the best course of action. Pushing too hard at a problem, at a stubborn donkey, might just make things far worse. It can close down the mind and prevent you from thinking creatively, all the while driving you round in ever-decreasing and exhausting circles.

For many years, psychologists have known that:

The spirit in which you do something is often as important as the act itself

So today, why not try approaching your difficulties at work or at home in a different way by adopting a different spirit?”


I appreciated Dr. Penman’s argument and loved the donkey story.  I can easily think of times in my own life when I pushed forward with “an agenda and an old paradigm” to my own detriment.  When I have focused exclusively on the result and ignored the process, things don't always turn out so well.  

But it also made me think of some of my severely depressed clients whose mantra is manana: They tell themselves, “I’ll get out of bed when I feel like it.  I’ll have a shower when I feel like it.  I’ll make breakfast when I feel like it.”  The problem is that they may not “feel like it” for a very long time.  Although a shift in spirit is essential for the depressed client, often the activity (getting out of bed, having a shower, having breakfast) is the first step that helps create the potential for the positive change in spirit.  Without this shift towards doing, some people may stay stuck in rumination, and feelings of being overwhelmed, helpless, and / or hopeless.  Which comes first - the chicken or the egg ... or the donkey! 

Jeff Ross, MA RCC

Resonate Wellness

Jeff is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and sees clients in Vancouver (Yaletown) and North Vancouver, BC, Canada.  He supports individuals with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress management, relationship issues, grief and bereavement, career and educational issues as well as growth and development.  In addition he also does couples counselling / marriage counselling.

If you have a comment or question about this post or any other, please feel free to join the discussion or send him a private and confidential email.  Let us know what Resonates with you!

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Topics: Being Present, Depression, Courage, Mental Health, Overwhelmed, Mindfulness, Motivation

My Phone (DIS)Connection - Vancouver Counselling

Posted on Thu, Apr 12, 2012

              YouTube Video - Disconnect to Connect

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Topics: Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Overwhelmed, Thriving, Belonging

Depression and Men – Some May Experience it Differently

Posted on Wed, Apr 11, 2012

I am inspired to comment on an article written by a fellow therapist - Depression: What You Don’t Know May Be Hurting You by J. Diamond.

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Topics: Stress, Depression, Overwhelmed, Mindfulness, Motivation, Thriving

Vancouver Canucks face off against Depression / Anxiety

Posted on Fri, Jan 27, 2012

Vancouver Canucks Honour Rick Rypien with Re-Launch of

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Topics: Anxiety, Stress, Depression, Courage, Mental Health, Overwhelmed, Helping Others, Belonging

Stressed out when we're Left Out

Posted on Wed, Jan 25, 2012
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Topics: Anxiety, Shame, Stress, Depression, Courage, Mental Health, Overwhelmed, Belonging